A Wasted Opportunity: White Van Rides and Free Candy

Gaylord Coctree wrote me recently: "Patricia, I have a question. I am a very generous person and enjoy giving candies to kids. I store the candies in my van, but when I ask them if they want to come get the candies, they just run away screaming for help. Why does this happen?"

Gaylord, thanks so much for asking.  You sound like a very generous kind-hearted man.  I, too have seen some kids running away from white vans with kind men inside merely offering them candy, and was puzzled, as I have always thought that children loved receiving candy and getting many cavities.  I soon figured out why it is this way.  Kids enjoy playing games, such as tag.  As soon as they see you have candy, they assume you are one of them, and therefore start running to encourage you to join in with their game of tag.  They are just trying to help you fit in and be accepted.  The kids will love it if you run after them, and they'll keep screaming from the thrill of it all.  Their parents, too, will appreciate that a fun-loving adult is offering to not only hand out treats and give rides in your van, but join in on the children's game.  I hope you continue being such a kind and child-friendly person.

-Patricia :)

P.S. You guys, I would LOVE to see more comments, problems, or feedback of any type!  If you comment, I'll be sure to check out your blog.  Luvv youuu <3

Prom Attire to Inspire

Today I received a message from Leslie Turniptaster.

"Hey Trish. I am having some troubles with what i should wear to my prom. I have no date, I will just stand aside and wait for someone to ask me to dance. I just want to wear something that will attract people to me. What should I wear?"

Well Leslie, you came to the right gal. Don't mean to brag but I'm pretty much the most fashionable person I know. People can't help but comment on my fashion choices with "ahh my eyes" or the occasional "This is just disturbing." Now to the matter of your prom outfit. Not sure if you are a boy or girl so I'm gonna guess neither. I'll put a bunch of pics of some of the most stylish, cute things I could find, just some examples of the type of things sure to get you a date at the dance.  If you want the links or need help pairing items and accessories up for stylin outfit, just shoot me an email and I'll give you my best tips.  At this point, I'm sure you're all jealous of my great fashion sense.  Don't worry.  Being the kind, caring person that I am, I'll help you with your outfit-pickin anytime.  Clad in this smokin gear, you'll have no trouble finding someone to dance with!  Good luck!  Love u guysss <333 Enjoy!
-Trish

Cute!

Luvin the woman tarzan look!

A leopard jumpsuit?! Need.  Now.  "PURR"fect for the Wildcats, lol  No, but really, girls, we need to buy thissss.  haha, luv u guysss <333

These boots are my lifeeee 

Girl, I'm fabulous!  This will put a little sparkle into any outfit!

I recommend this is you're going to be ballroom dancing.  Gowns in ballroom dancing is so mainstream.

These pants will show them who's ready to partay!

Thinking of buying these gorge pants for myself <3

How to Make Your Pet Plant Jealous

Wow, a second eager beaver wants to get some advice from an old pro. Gertrude Finkergurd says,"I have troubles making friend. sfkbergbfjker. Sorry, that was my pet plant named Plant, he gets jealous when I talk to my computer pals. At the moment, he is my best friend, but there is this rock that's really starting to like me. Don't mean to brag, but I just got a text from my homie at the phone company. That's the third one this month, whatever, it's no big deal. Anyway, I could use some more friend right now."


Well Gertrude, making friends can be a challenge, but if you follow a few easy tips, you will have one in no time. First you stalk them, and follow them around everywhere. You will soon develop a strong bond, and who knows, they may even acknowledge your existence!  You'll become closer once you have a conversation with them.  They'll be so inspired by you at this point, that they'll be at a loss for words and try to speak to you using conversation starters such as "Get out of my house!" or "I'm going to call the cops!"  If things are really going well, they may even say "Why are you always hanging out with that plant?  It's a plant, it can't even talk!"  When they say this, they are just extremely jealous that you want to spend time with the plant, and are trying to make their way into your group.  Embrace their dream, and invite them and the plant over for a sleepover.  At this point, they should be so flattered, they have to give in.  At the sleepover, watch Romantic Comedies, eat popcorn, and paint each other's toes.  Have a jovial time!  By this point, it's safe to say that you have successfully made friend.  :)
Good Luck!!!! <33333
-Trishie Delishie

Yohann's Blog Dilemma

I got a message in my comments from my good budday Yohann, who, like me, is just getting started on his blog.

"Hey, I need some advice. My blog ain't going so good, and I used all of the teenager sayings and such. I get little to no comments, and your blog is just so fun and exciting. Please tell me what I should do, and check out me blog at http://theflanfromyohann.blogspot.com"

First of all, I believe you mean "My blog isn't going to well". Now, the first step to having a supah poulah blog like mine, is to...be cool.  I have definitely fulfilled this requirement.  You...I mean...you took karate with your son.....that's kind of....well...it's just....you're sort of....of course you're cool, silly!  Post lots of really artistic pictures of like sunsets, or something.  People are suckers for that kind of thing!  Make your title rhyme, so it's fun, like mine.  I can see you've already done that, niceee.  Abbreve stuff, it makes people think you're cool.  Post about your life, people love that, although, I guess not everyone has as interesting a life as mine.  Use plenty of txt lingo, as I see you already have, such as lol (laugh on lions), omg (oh my goggles), lmfao (laugh my friendly arm off, a new one I learned!).  Replace to with 2, for with 4, you with u, see with c, your/you're with ur, and anything like that.  This will get your popularity up with the 12-17 age range.  After following my advice, your blog will have tonz of followers in no time! Good luck!
Love,
Patrish

Lovers and Tomato Juice

OMG! Super exciting!  My first real advice post!  I'll be sure to make it super good!
So, my first plead for advice comes from Arzuya Shoopopper, writing in about some girl troubles.


"There's this girl that I really really like in my knitting class.  When she smiles, it brightens my day.  She is so beautiful, and I would go to the moon and back for her, but I don't think she notices me.  Help, what should I do?"

Well, first of all, thanks Arzuya, for being the first brave soul to write in.  Now, to the lil lady that has caught your attention.  To show your affection, start a conversation wither her.  For instance, start with "your hair is really shiny" or "So, gotten around to reading the new Suess novel?  What's it called, the Kitten in the Hat, or something?"  These lines are sure to score girls in no time :)  Once you've gotten her attention, bring her a ripe tomato from your fresh tomato garden that you're about to plant.  Serenade her first with a song about how her hair shines like a flashlight on a rock, or how she has the beautiful eyes of a sloth, whatever it takes to flatter her.  Hold out your big juicy tomato, preparing to present it to the girl of your dreams.  Now, girls love the element of surprise, so, to celebrate her adoration of the astonishing, abruptly smash the tomato into her face.  Not only will this acknowledgement of her enjoyment of the bewildering dazzle her and make her fall madly in love with you, but the tomato juice in her eyes will blind her, therefore causing her to forget how ugly you are!  Tell me how things go, I'm sure she'll be yours before you can say "Ow! This juice stings and there are seeds in my eyes!"  If this doesn't get her, I don't know what will.  Good luck!
Love,
Trish-Dawg
P.S. For your honeymoon, I recommend a romantic zebra ride through the far depths of Walmart.  Always a fun time!

New Advice Blog!

Hey guys! So, with the growing success of my last blog (23 views already! :DDD and only 21 were from me!!!), The Dish from Patrish, http://thedishfrompatrish.blogspot.com/ I thought I'd create a lil advice blog for all of you sad, stupid, depressed, angry, lonely, socially awkward, or simply not as cool as me people out there.  If you have any sort of problem, whether it be a youngster who refuses to be potty trained, a girl you fancy who doesn't know you exist, having some bladder control issues, or even if your bacon simply ain't sizzlin' like it outta, I can help.  Well the world gotcha down, I gotch yo back.  Just leave a comment saying your problem, or email me at trishisdelish@gmail.com and I will respond as soon as possible with my wisdom and advice from 26 and 3/4 years on the planet, and 5+ years taking care of my little rascals, as I call them.   Also, I am an expert if you're having mommy clique drama.  Just come to me, hun, cause girl, I feel your pain.  Cause let's face it, therapists are expensive, so I guess I'm the next best thing.  Luv ya guys <33333